Working Mums Tip#4: Stop the Guilt by Managing Your Internal Self

If your most important values are not being met, you’re more likely to be stressed and more likely to be less satisfied. This dissatisfaction can present itself in a number of ways – and guilt is the most common!

We’re going to have a quick look at guilt with a view to you being aware of when this happens so you have an opportunity to manage it vs letting it run you. What, if anything, do you feel guilty about as a working mother? Write it down!

Be aware of what triggers your guilt so you can put in place measures to counter/prevent it. Challenge your guilt – is it your voice - or someone else’s?

When you feel guilty, check in with yourself – and particularly check your values:
– Check what you feel guilty about specially if its happening regularly
– What’s giving rise to the guilt?
– What’s behind the feeling you have?
– What’s the value underneath that?
– If it’s happening on a regular basis, what’s the trend?

Limiting beliefs – where the guilt comes from

Guilt can also be created by limiting beliefs which we will touch on now.

What is faulty or negative thinking, or a limiting belief? It is a belief I have about myself that limits me from being my true self. If you feel your energy is low or negative, you are probably saying something to yourself that is limiting.

Our beliefs influence how we feel and behave rather than events – events are actually neutral – but how we interpret them is not neutral ie we usually make it good or bad.

For example , just say you forget to pack your child’s lunch for school – perhaps you think ‘I’m such a bad mother’ rather than ‘Today I forgot to pack his/her lunch’. What’s underlying this thought – that you must remember everything, every day of the year? You’re only human, aren’t you?

How we appraise situations is critical in determining how we respond. Have you heard the concept of ‘above the line/below the line’ behaviour i.e.

Ownership
Acceptance
Responsibility
______________________________
Blame
Excuse
Deny

Above the line behaviour in life situations (including working mum situations) are generally what successful people do. They don’t get stuck in blaming, excusing, or denying (others OR themselves!) and just get on with the job at hand.

If our beliefs and thoughts are self-limiting, self-sabotaging, irrational (not based on evidence) they are a barrier to our success. What’s the belief? Does it support me? If not, then change it!