Working Mums Tip#3: Tips for dealing with ‘Scrunch Points’

‘Scrunch points’ is a term we’ve made up to describe where the different roles and parts of our lives often collide and there can be tension and conflict and old mother guilt can raise her ugly head!

The scrunch points tend to be times when our stress level rises fast, usually because we’re dealing with multiple needs and multiple expectations, coupled with an unforgiving deadline. It is useful to be aware of which things create most stress for you so that you can try and anticipate these and put measures in place to manage them as effectively as you can

Some common scrunch points can be the transitions we have to make - where our different roles as working mums overlap e.g. at home in the morning just before you go to work or at work at night, trying to get home. Or the most stressful times could be things like - having to tell your kids/boss about your absence or what to do when kids are sick.

What are the main issues you have to deal with in this space? What stresses you? What happens to you in these transitions?

How are you thinking/feeling at these times? Is this helping you or making things worse? Here are some tips to help you through these scrunch points:

1. Get into witness conscious – ie as if you were outside yourself looking at yourself. Identify the emotion you are feeling (vs. the reaction – which is commonly your behaviour under pressure) and then at least you feel more in charge and not at the beck and call of others. Also remember that children often pick up on your emotion and act it out.

2. Give yourself time - what is this really about? If you do have a strong emotional reaction – remember to give yourself a chance to recover before you act on anything. Buy time by making a phone call, checking your diary, going to the bathroom. What comes up for you? Is it a theme? Do you need to do something about it? How can you re-frame what you are saying to yourself and stop the negative tape playing inside your head?

3. Do a values check! If you have a strong feeling/reaction, it is likely that your values are being affected. Be proactive and check out your response. Try and work out what’s really bothering you i.e. which value is being affected and try and find a way of looking after that more effectively.

4. Consider your physical self – body language, dress, voice, etc and see if by adjusting that you can help calm the situation e.g. movement – speed up or slow down your pace, breathing – take 6 seconds to reengage the neocortex.

5. Consider your environment – lighting, music, candles, oils, sprays, flowers, pictures, the car or your journey home. What can you do or use to change the state you’re in and make it more useful?

6. Ask yourself – what’s most important to me right at this moment?

It is is really useful to have some strategies up your sleeve for when these scrunch points occur.