Once we are clear about what’s important to us, then we can feel more confident and less stressed about the choices we have to make. However here are some extra strategies you can use to distinguish between the options available to you:
1. Control/influence
Do you have total control over the decision eg will I get up and meditate this morning? Or do I only have influence in this decision (not total control) and need another person’s agreement to make it eg can I leave work at 5pm today?
2. Compromise/choice
Do you consciously choose this option rather than making it a compromise and resenting it? Eg choosing to take on more work at a particular point and explaining ’why’ to family etc. The key here is your language – eg. ‘I choose to take on more work at this point’ rather than ‘I have to take on more work’. It makes a difference to how you feel!
3. Drain/fill
Does this option drain you of energy or fill you with energy? eg working with people you really like who make you laugh will fill you with energy; or deciding not to see a friend anymore because they are always negative or needy and drain you of energy.
Sometimes the combination of these top 3 factors can be useful eg - if you have to do something that drains you of energy and you have no control or influence over this decision or situation, then you can choose to do it for a certain time. See what a difference choosing makes rather than being a victim of the situation. Don’t believe me – just try it!
4. Should/want to
Are you ‘shoulding’ on yourself or do you really ‘want to’ do something? Eg staying home with your kids when you don’t want to because you think ‘I should – a good mother does’ will only cause you stress (and the kids know anyway)! However if you really like doing PR - then offer to do it for the school musical! If you like it, it will give you energy and you’ll always find the time to do these ‘fun’ things.
If you are ‘shoulding’ and feel that you ‘have’ to do it – then choose it! Or perhaps think - will it help to fulfil a higher value of yours? Eg Maybe you don’t really want to work on the school ground’s working bee – but you really care about the environment so choose something to do that will assist that!
5. Faith in ability/motivation to do it
Do you have the motivation to do it? Or are you doing it just because you can and you’re good at it? Many working mums often get asked to do things and they do it because they can – not because they want to or are motivated to do it. So take some time before making a decision to feel inside and think ‘Do I really want to?’ Even if you can do it standing on your head- you don’t have to prove it to anyone any more!
Also remember - do you think you can do it? Because ‘If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right!
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