Working Mums Tip#5: Sending Out the Most Useful Message

The way you communicate, like it or not, is going to be a key part of how you are perceived. Research has shown that our Body Language contributes 55% of our communication, Voice (tone, pitch, volume, etc) is 38% and our words or content are only 7%!

So assertive body language is important for you as a Working Mum to be able to deal with negative comments that will inevitably come your way – from family, work collegues, scrunch points, other school mums (‘muffia’) comments.

The key is to ‘get really conscious’ about HOW you come across rather than just coming across. Ask yourself “what messages am I giving out’ and how might these effect how I’m being perceived?

So what can you do to be perceived as a congruent and confident Working Mum with your Body Language and Voice’?

1. Act as if………fake it till you make it

2. Be witness conscious – see yourself from outside

3. Keep eye contact when listening to others

4. Choose your position in a room wisely, stand next to someone in authority

5. Have your hands visible above the table

6. Take a notebook to meetings and use it!

Some of these things may sound like common sense - and feedback has been that many women don't do this! Being prepared and knowing what to do is the first step.

Working Mums Tip#2: Strategies for Decision Making and Easier Choices

Once we are clear about what’s important to us, then we can feel more confident and less stressed about the choices we have to make. However here are some extra strategies you can use to distinguish between the options available to you:

1. Control/influence

Do you have total control over the decision eg will I get up and meditate this morning? Or do I only have influence in this decision (not total control) and need another person’s agreement to make it eg can I leave work at 5pm today?

2. Compromise/choice

Do you consciously choose this option rather than making it a compromise and resenting it? Eg choosing to take on more work at a particular point and explaining ’why’ to family etc. The key here is your language – eg. ‘I choose to take on more work at this point’ rather than ‘I have to take on more work’. It makes a difference to how you feel!

3. Drain/fill

Does this option drain you of energy or fill you with energy? eg working with people you really like who make you laugh will fill you with energy; or deciding not to see a friend anymore because they are always negative or needy and drain you of energy.

Sometimes the combination of these top 3 factors can be useful eg - if you have to do something that drains you of energy and you have no control or influence over this decision or situation, then you can choose to do it for a certain time. See what a difference choosing makes rather than being a victim of the situation. Don’t believe me – just try it!

4. Should/want to

Are you ‘shoulding’ on yourself or do you really ‘want to’ do something? Eg staying home with your kids when you don’t want to because you think ‘I should – a good mother does’ will only cause you stress (and the kids know anyway)! However if you really like doing PR - then offer to do it for the school musical! If you like it, it will give you energy and you’ll always find the time to do these ‘fun’ things.

If you are ‘shoulding’ and feel that you ‘have’ to do it – then choose it! Or perhaps think - will it help to fulfil a higher value of yours? Eg Maybe you don’t really want to work on the school ground’s working bee – but you really care about the environment so choose something to do that will assist that!

5. Faith in ability/motivation to do it

Do you have the motivation to do it? Or are you doing it just because you can and you’re good at it? Many working mums often get asked to do things and they do it because they can – not because they want to or are motivated to do it. So take some time before making a decision to feel inside and think ‘Do I really want to?’ Even if you can do it standing on your head- you don’t have to prove it to anyone any more!

Also remember - do you think you can do it? Because ‘If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right!

Working Mums Tip#1: Getting Clear on What’s Important to YOU

Where do you tend to focus most of your energy? Often our energy is focused externally because as Working Mums we are too busy looking after others – our children, our partner, often our aging parents as well. Yet our well being and the way we are in the world depends on only one person - our self!

Yet we can lose sight of what’s important to us in the midst of so much focus on others – and when we lose sight of what’s important then it becomes incredibly hard to make decisions. We don’t know what our priorities are and we can get confused by other people’s opinions and judgments – and as I’m sure you know –as Working Mums – there are plenty of those directed at us!

So we need to be clear about what’s important to us personally. For every Working Mum that will be different. Because if we know and live our lives by what’s important to US, we feel better about ourselves and more satisfied with our life. Things line up and align – we get in the ‘zone’.

If we don’t live according to our priorities – we will increasingly be at the beck and call of others and feel exhausted and torn in many ways. It will just cause us stress and dissatisfaction. Who wants that? Particularly in the mothering role – which is such an emotive role – it’s good to have some gauge by which to make our decisions in life.

Another reason why it’s important to look at our values – is because we will do whatever we can to get our values met!. Whether we know what they are and whether that happens consciously or unconsciously – it does happen. If we know what our values are, then we can make informed decisions that align with our life’s desires and make them more quickly and easily! Wouldn’t that be great – and it saves us time as well!

Let’s do this Simple Values Exercise to start.

1. Choose - your top values from the list below. Read over them and trust your gut feeling as to which ones matter to you. Highlight all those that are important to you.

Achievement
Health & Wellbeing
Leadership
Balance
Honesty
Open Communication
Belonging/affiliation
Family
Personal Development
Challenge
Financial Success
Respect
Contributing
Fun
Recognition & Prestige
Creativity
Initiative
Self Respect
Equality
Independence
Security
Freedom
Influence
Spirituality
Harmony
Integrity
Variety


2. Prioritise - your top 5 values from the list. If you can’t decide on your top 5, compare them one by one against each other ie is Family more important than Freedom?

3. Rate your current level of satisfaction with each value at this time in your life.

My Top 5 Values are ..................and My Level of Satisfaction is

1.___________________ 1 .. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5 .. 6.. 7 .. 8 .. 9.. 10


2.___________________ 1 .. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5 .. 6.. 7 .. 8 .. 9.. 10


3.___________________ 1 .. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5 .. 6.. 7 .. 8 .. 9.. 10


4.___________________ 1 .. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5 .. 6.. 7 .. 8 .. 9.. 10


5.___________________ 1 .. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5 .. 6.. 7 .. 8 .. 9.. 10

4. Review – what does this tell you about what is most important to you about your life? What is working and giving you satisfaction? What do you need to pay more attention to?

Start to think about what a difference knowing what’s important to you could mean to all the roles in your life, and most importantly, what a difference that will make to your decision making. In future lessons, it will be very clear why.